This piece of Ancestral Intelligence is part of the Tiger Moms Project

Reflection by Britt Pham

This is the first story I ever remember my mom telling me about her life. It’s a story I heard multiple times growing up, a story I myself tell on many occasions, and a story that I had the privilege of receiving through a new lens when I facilitated a Tiger Moms conversation with my mom. “Dumpster Diving For Cans” has been a central thread in my life in more ways than I consciously realized.

The maternal side of my family immigrated to the United States from Laos in the 1970s. When they fled their country, my mom was four years old; they spent five years in a refugee camp in Thailand, before being sponsored to arrive in Houston, TX. As my mom grew up in America, our family survived together. They carved a foothold in a new country, in a new language, with almost nothing else but each other. While the men went into the workforce, the women applied their street-smarts from the markets of Laos & Thailand. Dumpster diving for cans to bring in additional dollars was one of these applications.

“Who is your mom?” — The first thing my mom says about her mom is that she’s a HUSTLER. It’s also the first thing I say about my mom. “Dumpster Diving For Cans” has always represented how being a HUSTLER runs through our matriarchal bloodline.

When she was almost twenty years old, my mom left home to seek a life on her own. Through her years of independence, to becoming a stay-at-home mom, to becoming a working-mom, and now to present day: my mom redefined HUSTLER from one who survives, to one who thrives.

In our Tiger Moms conversation, I came to see the story in a new light: one deeply rooted in the survival mentality at the foundation of many human relationships in generations before me, and the loneliness that comes with that. I asked my mom when she remembers forming a relationship based on something other than survival: it was when she had me.

While I was raised seeing hard work as the solution to most things, I was also raised with a deep appreciation for human connection. As I continue to explore my family history, I think about how I will redefine HUSTLER: from one who comes as herself, to one who comes as many.